So… this is my blog.
My very own blog, I feel so grown up. Truth is… I’m not. True, I am 6 months away from being 30 years old, but that doesn’t mean I have to act like it, right? Right!? I hope not anyway!
Let’s get on with it though, shall we? My name is Tiffany as you may already know, and I am a 29 (and a half!) year old fat ass from Ohio. I am quintessential heartland, born and bred. I have been heavy nearly my entire life. I was fairly normal growing up until I was about 10 or 11 and my parents divorced. I got to stay with my dad after school and he never cared what I ate, or that I drank almost an entire 6 pack of coke in a mere 6 hours. We made cherry cheesecake, and hamburger helper, and yes I would like a 3rd helping of bread and butter, thanks pop. It was heaven.
I remained heavy through my high school years, and was the target of some typical bullying. My shy nature and total lack of self-confidence didn’t help either. The weight only compounded it, and to this day I am a huge introvert. I threw myself into books and movies like most high-school girls throw themselves at boys. To this day I am a social retard.
The only time I was ever close to thin was 8 years ago when I tried Weight Watchers and lost almost 50 pounds. This is me then:
Yeah I know it’s a crappy, tiny picture. It’s all I have. If there’s one thing I learned from that experience it is this: TAKE MORE PICTURES WHEN YOU ARE WHAT PASSES FOR SKINNY!!!
#&@%@! I wish I had more photos from that time period! I certainly don’t have any of my fat ass right now. Ok well I do, I lied. But, as a tactic fat girls everywhere employs, it’s only a headshot.
You can’t see the rest of me, but I’m being honest here, there’s some serious chub!
About 5 months ago I had gotten to the point where everything was a chore. Getting up and down, walking up steps, doing my job – my JOB people! I had had enough!! I decided to do Weight Watchers for the 324892334342546899th time and this time would be the LAST time, dammit.
Turns out I was right. Something is different about this go around. I hear that and have said it myself before, but this time it’s true. I have lost about 42 pounds to date, having started this journey at 242 fat-crammed pounds. I am only five feet tall here folks, 242 isn’t pretty on anyone.. but can you imagine being as short as I am and that big? Yeah, it’s atrocious!
So, being proud as I am that I have lost 42 pounds, I cannot help but feel that twinge of regret. See, the last time I had lost 40-some odd pounds, I was fitting into some pretty sweet-looking size 8 jeans. I even found an entry I made in LiveJournal (blogging before it was called blogging), when I had reached that milestone:
“On another note, I had a great WI this week. Lost .4 and although it isn’t alot I lost just enough to hit my 40 pound goal!! YAY!!! Then, I went to Old Navy and bought a pair of size 8 (!!!!) jean shorts!! I have never been in single digits so this is a major development for me.”
What size am I now after losing 42 pounds again?
20. Ugh.
So that tells you, dear reader.. that when I lost 50 pounds then inevitably stopped doing Weight Watchers, I not only gained back all the weight I had lost, but I tacked on an additional 60 pounds or so.
Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely proud of what I have accomplished since I’ve been “back on the wagon”. It does suck sometimes to think that if I had only kept going, or not gone SO hog wild stuffing my face when I stopped, that I could be in a very different place right now.
Nevertheless, I will move forward. Remember when I said something was different this time? I meant it. We just got through the holidays and I of course ate like a pig. It is the holidays afterall, I mean.. c’mon. Instead of saying, “Fuck it! I just undid a month’s worth of work, I’m going to Wendy’s!” I chose instead to say, “Ok, time to get back to work.”
THAT is what is different. That would have NEVER happened in the past. Ever. Trust me, I know this. So what I have found is that all this fluffy stuff people say about the fact that your diet isn’t ruined until you give up, and the quintessential quote: “If you fall halfway down a flight of stairs, would you get up and say oh well and throw yourself down the rest of them?”. It’s all true. I decide when I am done on this path, and trust me; I ain’t gonna be done until I am sliding a nice pair of size 4’s onto my short ass.
So stick with me, we can do it together. If you’re in a similar situation then feel free to follow my blog and comment the posts. I am doing this as much for others as I am for me. I want this to be an inspiration, or a common ground for those who are struggling with their weight. But, be warned.. there will be no whining on this car ride. So buckle up, it’s gonna be a long one.
thechubbymonologues 