Recalculating..

Bless me Weightwatchers, for I have binged.

The last two days have been rough. I stayed under my weekly points on Tuesday but that was not the case yesterday. I had my first “I don’t give a shit” binge. I knowingly and willingly went over my weekly and activity points. Sigh.

I have been bummed out all week over my damn stress fracture and I have been eating everything in sight. Extra hungry on the week you stop running, smart! So I am expecting a gain in a couple of days but it’s not the end of the world. I beat myself up pretty bad last night and this morning, but I ended that crap post haste. I wasn’t going to track my night but I said screw it and finally tracked it as best I could remember this morning. I am 17 points in the red this week. Yikes.

The worst thing is I can’t walk or run to get myself out of the negative. I can do the recumbent bike and I plan on hitting that pretty hard every day until weigh in Sunday, but the damn thing doesn’t register on my ActiveLink so it won’t get me into the positive on my tracker, but at least I will know in my head that big ugly red number is lower. So this week sorta sucked all around, but it’s just one week. I didn’t actually expect to be the perfect little Weight Watcher (Ok, yeah I sorta did). I will overcome this, and move on. I am not tossing out my dreams and goals over one binge. One of the members on the WW message boards said something that hit home to me today, “The last time I went off program I just threw my hands in the air and now a year later I’m back but heavier than ever.”

That will not be me. Not this time.

 

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Well, that escalated quickly…

sadpanda

I am.

So my knee area was still kicking my ass Thursday, and I decided to snap an xray to see if I had a stress fracture.

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Do you know how to read an xray? Well if not I will clue you in. The bone on top is my femur, following it down you see my knee joint (which looks surprisingly good for being morbidly obese), and then my tibia. Notice anything strange about my tibia?

Yeah I didn’t either.. at first.

So I kept looking at it for a moment, and then I spotted it. Ugh. Cracks in my bone on my tibial plateau.

Bummer.

Still can’t see it? It’s ok, they are very faint. Stress fractures usually can’t be seen on xrays until 3-4 weeks after they occur. At that point the bone has started repairing itself and they are usually seen by the bony reaction around them. But I will help you out. I enhanced the xray to show exactly where the fracture is.

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Betcha see it now huh? Go ahead and look back at the untouched pic and see if you can spot it now that you know where it is.

Go on, I’ll wait.

See it now? Yeah. THIS SUCKS.

So not only am I at risk of stress fractures because of my weight, it didn’t even cross my mind that because of my lack of estrogen, my bones are also weakened. DUH Tiff. Oi vey. This means no running for me for a much longer time than anticipated. I’m going to wait about 4-6 weeks and then start walking (slowly). In the meantime I have to find a gym somewhere so I can do strength training, and swimming or the elliptical so I don’t injure it further. If I would have kept running on it, it would have eventually completely fractured. My plan is to pick up running again when I am at a much lower weight, and once I have been on calcium supplements for at least 6 months. So we’re looking at 8-10 months of no running for me.

Sigh.

I should be running right now. It’s Friday, I’m supposed to be doing my last workout of this week tonight. I feel like a slacker, but I’m not stupid. I know that if I want to ever run without chronic pain that I need to treat my body right. I know I can lose weight without running, but I sure will miss the way it made me feel. Goodbye night runs, helloooo vicodin.

Ouch.

Ok so running when you’re more than 100 pounds overweight sounds like the right thing to do but my body is yelling at me right now. I am so addicted to my new routine that I feel like I want to and HAVE to go for my training every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Even when I’m already injured. Yeah, not so smart. When your knee still hurts even after your rest day, it’s probably smart not to run on it for a couple weeks and rest that shit. Not what I did yesterday, and I’m paying for it.

I have some serious knee pain at the proximal end of my tibia. It’s not in my knee per se, but right at the top of my shin and it radiates into my knee. I know it’s from being so heavy and running with poor form (which I corrected last night, I was leaning too far forward.) This really bums me out ya’ll.. I hurt myself and I haven’t even run longer than a minute yet. What does that say about me becoming any sort of runner? What I know I need to do is no running for a couple weeks until this sorts itself out, but do strength training and light walking instead. I know I need to really focus on the leg muscles and strengthen the muscles that support my knees. I know I shouldn’t run.

But it kills me not to. 😦

I am so afraid I will lose whatever tiny momentum I’ve gotten so far. I’m scared without working out as hard as I have been (it hasn’t been ultra hard, but I am getting my heartrate up!) that I will gain a bunch of weight since my body is used to it now. I hate being afraid of stupid shit!

I guess I need to face facts and tell myself that it’s not the end of the world, and that I can go back and build up anything that I did before. It just sucks. I have really noticed an increase in my stamina since starting this training and it feels so good! It’s nice to work hard and be rewarded for your efforts. But it’s not worth having that extra endurance for physical activity if I can’t do any because I am limping and moving like a 90 year old.

I guess the silver lining is that I am actually a person who is saying right now that I am bummed I can’t run for a while. I never would have guessed those words would pass these lips, like ever. So I have to be happy that in fact I can change my thinking about exercise when I thought it was something I’d never be able to do.

Let’s hope my body wises up and gets with the program, because I’m sort of addicted to the feeling this running crap gives me, and I want it back damnit.

Insert video here…

Yeah so, no video for midweek because someone went through the fridge and threw away my fresh mashed avocado that I was going to use in the video. Angryface.

This happens when you live with other people. Small mishaps might occur along your weight loss journey, and you can decide to learn from them and let it strengthen you; or you can let it eat at you and derail you.

I chose the former. Yes, I was bummed for a few minutes, and still sorta miffed – avocados aren’t exactly cheap! What I learned from it though is to label my food, and to be better about letting people know what’s fresh. I can totally see how something that’s mashed up and bright green could raise a few flags. So I got over it.

Instead of showing you in a video, I will just post about it here anyways, it’s salvageable.

The recipe (if you can call it that) I was going to show you is Eggs & Avocado Toast. It is SUCH a delicious breakfast, even if you’re not a fan of avocado, and I’ll tell you why. Avocado is pretty bland, but because it’s naturally higher in fat it has this wonderful buttery consistency when you mash it up. Here’s the deal:

Throw a whole egg in a frying pan with some olive oil or pam spray and fry that sucker up. Add some salt and pepper or whatever you like on your eggs. While your egg is frying, toss a couple pieces of bread in the toaster. Take an avocado and cut it in half around the pit. Remove the pit and scoop out the flesh into a bowl. Mash with a fork and add whatever seasonings you like. I chose salt & pepper just to keep it simple.

Smear your toast with a thin coating of avocado, usually about a tablespoon or two will do the trick. Cut your fried egg in half and top each piece of avocado’d toast with half an egg. Devour.

What happens is the creamy texture of the avocado tastes like you slathered that toast with BUTTA. It’s delicious! I recommend adding a good dash of hot sauce over the top too because hot sauce was made to go with eggs, and avocado for that matter. You can cook the eggs however you like them, it works with solid yoke or could be extra delightful if you like your yoke warm but still a little runny. Who doesn’t like Soppy Eggs & Toast? And with avocado added in? I mean, c’mon!

This breakfast was light but super filling! The protein in the eggs and the healthy fat in the avocado kept me going all day, and my appetite was zilch. Try it, I dare ya!

 

Weigh In – Week 9

So I kicked last week’s gain in the ass this week. I dropped 2.2 this week to put me right at 24 lbs lost since August 4th. I can dig it. I just got back from my 3rd Zombies, Run! 5k Trainer workout. (Which is going to be referred to as the Zombie Couch to 5k from now on – it’s just easier to type) I feel good about my progress and I am hopeful that this app will actually help me learn how to run. Still not so sure about running longer than 30 seconds but it’s a gradual thing!

My last weigh in got me to my 10% weight loss goal, which is just like it sounds. I have lost 10% of my body weight so far. Overall I will have to lose about 50% of my body to get to goal, so only 40% to go! The Weight Watchers site lists lots of health benefits from reaching your first 10% goal. Things such as lowered blood pressure, lowered risk for diabetes, lowered risk of arthritis etc. I have a list of my own little benefits that I have noticed within the last week:

I can put my foot on my opposite knee to put on my socks in the morning, it reaches now without me having to grab it and haul it up!

I can breathe when I am tying my shoes.

I don’t feel like I am going to die when I go up stairs.

I feel less “in my own way”.

I feel stronger and more flexible. (Most of which I attribute to the exercise)

For reaching my 10% goal I stopped by the bookstore this weekend and bought myself a few little rewards.

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I also talk about them in my video update for this week below:

This weekend was full of weight loss journey productivity. I visited my sister today and we both put together our Weight Loss Motivation Boards! This is something I have never done before but I have been wanting to do it for a while now. I am so happy with how mine turned out:

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I didn’t prepare any food today for the week though! >.< Oops. I guess we’ll see how it goes. I have a lot of stuff that’s pretty quick and easy so I shouldn’t be too hard up. I’m planning on doing another video this week whenever I get time too, I have a couple food ideas to share that are amazeballs. Until then – adios!

-T

Zombie 5k Trainer Week One

Ok so I finally got off my arse yesterday and did the actual Week 1 workout in the Zombies, Run! 5k Trainer app. I survived! I had actually decided not to do it last night after work because my legs and chest were still pretty sore from my unexpected session on Sunday. I was sitting there at about 9:45pm and surprised myself by saying “Fuck it.” and getting up to put my shoes on.

Zombies

Last night’s session went well. I can totes handle running for 15 seconds, I am SO awesome at this. /sarcasm.

I did feel a little bit out of sorts while running around my neighborhood after dark, I live in an OK area but it’s no excuse to completely block out your surroundings. So I was a bit hesitant to walk through the areas where there wasn’t much light, but no one tried to kidnap me so I think running at night is gonna be key for me. Less people to witness my fat jiggling while I huff and puff is never a bad thing. Plus it was nice and cool out, almost chilly. I wore a hoodie and felt like a badass.

As far as the app goes I am really happy with it. It plays my music and cuts in over the music to tell me what to do and when to do it. The storyline is decent too, it makes me want to finish the session for sure. I am planning on doing the workouts Monday-Wednesday-Friday as long as my legs hold up. I was surprised at how sore my abs and chest were. My legs were deliciously sore this entire week from Sundays little jaunt. So far my knees have held up well, that’s the main thing I am concerned with at this point. So maybe some day I will be a runner, still not so sure but I’m giving it an honest shot.

Still Week 8. Update…

Ok so today I let my inner whiner out a bit, sorry you had to see that. I let my inner binge eater out a little bit too. I planned on having a little splurge as I sometimes do on my weigh in day since my weeklies reset. I argued with myself all day about whether or not it was going to set me into a tailspin if I got Wendy’s for dinner. I ended up getting Wendy’s of course, my inner glutton always wins. I got a full size salad and a small fry, and it was all delicious. I made myself painfully full, again. I regretted it, again. I vowed never to do this to myself, again. I then had 1/4 cup of skittles and a Smart Ones Dessert a couple hours later.

Facepalm.

So as I sat here feeling like a fraud, I decided to take Maddie for a walk to see if it made me feel better. It was getting late in the day but I thought what the hell, let’s go. I grabbed her and we set off on our quick walk that I was telling myself will probably just be around the block since it’s getting dark.

We started up the road in the opposite direction as we usually do, and after a few minutes I thought to myself – I want to run. I’ve been feeling the urge to run the entire time I’ve been putting off doing my Zombiefied 5k trainer app for various reasons excuses.

I am too fat to run still, I’ll break my knees!

I can’t do it in public, everyone will stare at me.

There are no good places to do it in private.

I want to take Maddie with me, but I don’t know if she can handle it and she probably shouldn’t get any skinnier.

My shoes don’t exactly fit right.

My hair looks a mess.

I don’t have my phone or earbuds with me.

These shorts are too big, they’ll fall down while I’m running!

What if people SEE me.

It’s been raining off and on for 3 days, what if it starts raining?

What if I hurt myself?

What if I trip and fall?

What if someone sees me trip and fall? Ohmigod.

I don’t have the right bra for this.

I don’t have the right clothes for this.

WHAT IF PEOPLE SEE ME??

ENOUUUUGHHH!!! Just fucking do it Tiff.

So…

I did.

I was on a public street with too-big shorts on that were already falling off at a walk, with my skinny as can be dog bopping along on her leash, with no phone, no app, no music, no sports bra, new-yet-dodgy shoes, and people around that might actually see me.

I said to myself, it’s never going to be the right time to start with the perfect conditions unless I rent out a track somewhere or go for a walk at 3am (no thanks). Just start already! The app said the first workout was 10 minutes warm up, then 15 seconds slow run, alternating with 1 minute of walking. 10 times. Then a cool-down walk. I can do this without my phone, I’ll just count it off. And I did.

I counted off the first 15 seconds of VERY slow, sloppy jogging and then 60 seconds of walking. That wasn’t too bad. I didn’t die. No one started pointing and laughing at me. I literally have to pull up my shorts every time I run for 15 seconds so I don’t flash my grannie panties, but I can totally do this!

I completed 10-11 sets of jogging and walking. It got harder towards the end because I was really running out of steam. My knees held up alright but we’ll see how they feel tomorrow and if they hurt there’s always ice and vicodin right?

So I did it, I ran (sort of). I was hot and sweaty and feeling pretty amazing when I got home. I think I can do this. At least until I have to run longer than 30 seconds at a time. Yeah, that’s gonna be a bitch.