Ok so today I let my inner whiner out a bit, sorry you had to see that. I let my inner binge eater out a little bit too. I planned on having a little splurge as I sometimes do on my weigh in day since my weeklies reset. I argued with myself all day about whether or not it was going to set me into a tailspin if I got Wendy’s for dinner. I ended up getting Wendy’s of course, my inner glutton always wins. I got a full size salad and a small fry, and it was all delicious. I made myself painfully full, again. I regretted it, again. I vowed never to do this to myself, again. I then had 1/4 cup of skittles and a Smart Ones Dessert a couple hours later.
So as I sat here feeling like a fraud, I decided to take Maddie for a walk to see if it made me feel better. It was getting late in the day but I thought what the hell, let’s go. I grabbed her and we set off on our quick walk that I was telling myself will probably just be around the block since it’s getting dark.
We started up the road in the opposite direction as we usually do, and after a few minutes I thought to myself – I want to run. I’ve been feeling the urge to run the entire time I’ve been putting off doing my Zombiefied 5k trainer app for various
I am too fat to run still, I’ll break my knees!
I can’t do it in public, everyone will stare at me.
There are no good places to do it in private.
I want to take Maddie with me, but I don’t know if she can handle it and she probably shouldn’t get any skinnier.
My shoes don’t exactly fit right.
My hair looks a mess.
I don’t have my phone or earbuds with me.
These shorts are too big, they’ll fall down while I’m running!
What if people SEE me.
It’s been raining off and on for 3 days, what if it starts raining?
What if I hurt myself?
What if I trip and fall?
What if someone sees me trip and fall? Ohmigod.
I don’t have the right bra for this.
I don’t have the right clothes for this.
WHAT IF PEOPLE SEE ME??
ENOUUUUGHHH!!! Just fucking do it Tiff.
I was on a public street with too-big shorts on that were already falling off at a walk, with my skinny as can be dog bopping along on her leash, with no phone, no app, no music, no sports bra, new-yet-dodgy shoes, and people around that might actually see me.
I said to myself, it’s never going to be the right time to start with the perfect conditions unless I rent out a track somewhere or go for a walk at 3am (no thanks). Just start already! The app said the first workout was 10 minutes warm up, then 15 seconds slow run, alternating with 1 minute of walking. 10 times. Then a cool-down walk. I can do this without my phone, I’ll just count it off. And I did.
I counted off the first 15 seconds of VERY slow, sloppy jogging and then 60 seconds of walking. That wasn’t too bad. I didn’t die. No one started pointing and laughing at me. I literally have to pull up my shorts every time I run for 15 seconds so I don’t flash my grannie panties, but I can totally do this!
I completed 10-11 sets of jogging and walking. It got harder towards the end because I was really running out of steam. My knees held up alright but we’ll see how they feel tomorrow and if they hurt there’s always ice and vicodin right?
So I did it, I ran (sort of). I was hot and sweaty and feeling pretty amazing when I got home. I think I can do this. At least until I have to run longer than 30 seconds at a time. Yeah, that’s gonna be a bitch.